I’ve been putting off writing this post because I don’t know what to say.
I was released from Ashwack the day after Thanksgiving, and my holiday meal consisted of a bowl of fideo from Taco Palenque on the long drive back to Turner Falls from Falfurrias. Can’t complain about Palenque, no matter how bad things get.
I feel like a coward, a heel, a weenie. I owe so much to the people who have stood behind and beside me, and I worry that I have given them — y’all — so little. And for what? I kept silent to protect my freedom, my legal rights? They locked me up anyway. They won the election anyway. And I wasn’t there to cover it. I wasn’t even there to see it.
I was still “inside” on election night; it was the first time in my career as a political reporter that I wasn’t shadowing a candidate, posted up at a D.C. watch party, or assigned to the man-on-the-street/exit polls beat as returns came in. Of course we knew what was happening, and I could read the room, as it were, even though the guards at Ashwack — maddeningly — betrayed very little about the outcome other than seeming pretty confident that their jobs weren’t going anywhere.
So we’re in for another four-and-more years of President Rudy Ruiz. Others have said a lot about what that means, though I’m not sure they’ve said enough about what that means. I’m not sure I myself can even say enough about it, and I’m ashamed to admit that I’m scared of saying anything at all about it. Which is, of course, the point of jailing journalists for doing journalism. I think I can at least say that.
I’ve been trying to find my footing again, as a journalist and as a woman. And I’m amazed at how I was once able to separate those ideas — a journalist, a woman. When I go back and read posts from the Jasmine Rebuke who started this blog a year and a half ago, she’s barely recognizable to me. She believed things were bad, that democracy was under threat, that the country was staring down a dark, dark night. She also believed she had a torch, and that others did, too. That there was a way out, if only we could light it up. That people would see, really see, the consequences of their votes, their actions, their beliefs, if those outcomes were shown to them, plain, and choose a different path. That exposing the truth would be enough.
Well, it was enough — to land me in Ashwack for seven months.
I would like to think that I’m a different journalist, and a different woman, now. I’ve certainly learned some things. I don’t know if sharing them will make a difference, but I’m hell-bent on trying.
Anyway, here’s my usual news roundup — catching up on … a lot:
What Else I’m Reading Right Now:
- “Tom Homan Outlines How Texas Ranch Will Be Used For Mass Deportations” (Newsweek)
- “SC lawmakers refile proposed bill to make abortions punishable as homicides” (Fox News)
- “Life of the Mother” (ProPublica)
- “New Pentagon report on UFOs includes hundreds of new incidents but no evidence of aliens” (AP)
- “Shouting Racial Slurs, Neo-Nazi Marchers Shock Ohio’s Capital” (NYT)
- “UN General Assembly demands immediate Gaza ceasefire, release of hostages” (VOA)
Minne Moves Home 