After an unpredictable storm system delayed the Ruiz Commission’s court-approved exhumation of the presidential gravesite at Beaulieu Hills Cemetery in Turner Falls last week, America finally has an answer to the question that has riveted the nation since the first GOP presidential debate back in August: who, if anyone, is buried in the grave marked for President Rudy Ruiz?

By now, of course, y’all know the answer — unless you’ve been living under a rock buried even deeper than Rudy Ruiz’s capacious casket. (If so, I’m more than a little jealous.)

Popping in for a short, quick post today with some breaking news: We finally have a ruling in the federal case concerning the exhumation of Rudy Ruiz’s remains (or, he claims, the lack thereof). Late this afternoon, the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that congressional investigators for the Ruiz Commission will indeed be allowed to take a look inside Ruiz’s grave to determine whether the man who claims to be the deceased former POTUS is a fraudster or, in fact, actually a resurrected, (and possibly current) POTUS.

President Ashleigh Grantham’s Department of Justice issued a press release shortly following the ruling’s release, saying it wouldn’t continue to challenge the matter, “as we have no interest in further prolonging the search for the answers that Americans deserve.” The Grantham Administration went on to say that the president is “confident” the Ruiz Commission will find “the sadly deceased president exactly where he is expected to be: in eternal repose.”

While a federal judge considers President Ashleigh Grantham Jr.’s petition to keep the congressional commission investigating President Rudy Ruiz’s death (and supposed resurrection) from exhuming the contents of Ruiz’s grave here in Gallum County, the country seems to be going various levels of insane. (Content warning here for reports of self-harm.)