I knew who it was going to be the second — the second — the words “surprise guest” came out of debate moderator Bret Baier’s mouth.

Sharp-eyed commentators noticed something was up as soon as viewers got the first wide shot of the stage, set with nine lecterns rather than the expected eight. Slate politics writer Hari Blake even fired off this crack on Twitter:

Minutes later, of course, after President Grantham, Ron DeSantis, Nikki Haley and the rest of the crew took the stage, Baier introduced the ninth debater, “special guest” President Rudy Ruiz. The same President Rudy Ruiz who was killed in a plane crash on Independence Day; the same President Rudy Ruiz who was mourned by tens of thousands who descended on his hometown of Turner Falls for his funeral.

It’s an unprecedented heck of a “how it started / how it’s going” moment for these Unprecedented Times™.

The big controversy (I’m using the term loosely) ahead of tonight’s debate was originally North Dakota Gov. Doug Burgum’s now comparatively less remarkable resilience after being injured in a pick-up basketball game on Tuesday night. Wednesday afternoon, he tweeted “I’m in,” with a self-aggrandizing photo of himself, walking backstage with the assistance of crutches. The jokes write themselves.

Broadcasters shut down/canceled the GOP debate following the president’s supposed reappearance — upon Ruiz taking the stage, Ron DeSantis turned a shade of white that would challenge even critical race theorists to describe, while Nikki Haley simply walked away from the broadcast, murmuring something that her torn-off mic caught the tail end of that sounded like it included the term “charade.”

The response to Ruiz’s resurfacing from his supporters has so far been entirely credulous. Fox News and OANN rolled out breathless coverage of President Ruiz’s “return to office” almost immediately. And of course, the official LibertyNow! Twitter account pulled this old Ruiz photo from the archives to get in a dig at Burgum.

Carron Nielsberg issued a statement in the first chaotic moments after Ruiz took the stage, which included supporting remarks from New Life Church’s Pastor Kathy Donaldson:

RevTech is proud tonight to introduce our world-changing technology to America. There is much work to be done going forward, but we want to emphasize that revival technology is safe and effective, and rooted in extensive research. Regenerative medicine has for too long been hamstrung by politics and fear, and the politics of fear. We have worked with bold leaders in the medical field, as well as fearless leaders of faith, to ensure that our work is done to the highest standards.

…

Pastor Kathy Donaldson, official White House Chaplain, has agreed to come on board as our Chief Spiritual Officer.

“As a woman of God, I was as skeptical as anyone — maybe more so — of the promise of revival technology. But I believe the Lord works in mysterious ways,” says Donaldson. “Let us question from whence miracles come, certainly; I would be the last person on earth to expect to find myself in league with Carron Nielsberg. But it is no accident that God chose my good friend, and our esteemed president, Rudolfo Ruiz, to be the first, shining example of His incredible new works.”

From my perspective watching the television broadcast, the man who appeared on stage tonight appears to be the same person I met weeks ago at an undisclosed location in East Texas. But as anyone who reads my newsletter can figure by now, Rudy Ruiz is in fact not the “first, shining example” of RevTech’s regenerative treatments, according to Turner Falls resident Linda Lyle, who told me last week that RevTech successfully treated one of her neighbors for what she is sure was a mortal injury.

President Ashleigh Towers Grantham Jr. — Ruiz’s VP, who was sworn into office hours after his supposed death, has yet to release a statement.

I’m moving quickly and there is, to use an incredible understatement, a lot going on tonight. My phone is ringing off the hook.

Look for more from me tomorrow morning.

What else I’m reading right now:

• “University of Houston to close diversity, LGBTQ offices in response to anti-DEI law” (Houston Chronicle)

• “Texas Tribune Lays Off Journalists and Entire Copy Desk” (Austin Chronicle)

• “The suspect in a California woman’s murder over a Pride flag was killed in a shootout” (NPR)

You can take the job away from the reporter, but you can’t take the reporter away from the keyboard. Subscribe to Minne Moves Home for dispatches on national news, the ‘24 presidential race, and snapshots of small-town Texas life.